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Monika Whitmore - Emotional Wellness Coach

hello@monikawhitmore.com

(816) 392-3034

Fear

I was recently faced with a very difficult decision regarding the direction of a new business venture. Alfred and I have been working toward opening a coffee shop near our home. The idea grew and evolved into more of a health-conscious coffee shop/restaurant combo. I wanted to create a trendy yet warm, welcoming space where people could come connect over great coffee and fresh, delicious food. I was going to have a meeting room where I could host workshops and masterminds. We had the space all picked out. The layout drawn out.

 

We had support from so many people. It was unbelievable. The collaborative spirit of the local Kansas City restaurant industry is phenomenal. This business idea had been in the works for several months. We invested A LOT of time and energy and of course some money as well.  

 

And then some very significant concerns were brought to our attention by our attorney. I didn’t want to quit because it was hard. Or because I was afraid of failure. I never doubted that with enough passion, this concept was destined for success. 

 

I’ve done enough personal development work to know that fear is an essential ingredient for growth and expansion. And over the course of those few months, fear came up A LOT. But my mantra was: as long as I’m equal parts excited and terrified, I know I’m on the right path. And then the scales tipped. 

 

After hearing from our attorney, I think I got really honest with myself about the time and energetic commitment this new adventure would require of both of us. Alfred and I value our free time, possibly more than anything. And I knew this additional business would take a toll on our relationship…with each other and with our family. So we took some time to reflect on our priorities and ultimately decided not to move forward with the coffee shop. 

 

At first I had a hard time distinguishing whether we were making this decision from a place of fear or if something else was driving us. But what I came to realize was that LOVE was the driving force. Love for each other and the life we want to create together. And I can always come to terms with a decision made from love. 

 

It would’ve been easy to chalk this whole thing up as a failure, as a waste of time and resources. But that’s not how I roll. Instead, I looked for the lessons (and there were many!). I also recognized there were things about the process that excited me…the creative energy of making something out of nothing. The project management aspects. The attention to detail. And once I identified those things, I decided to look for ways to infuse them into my current coaching business. And I’m excited to say, the unfolding has already begun…and it’s beautiful. I’m designing and decorating a home office where I can meet with clients and I’m putting more energy into planning a retreat that will be held this spring. 

 

When you’re faced with a difficult decision, I challenge you to look for the driving force. Is it fear or is it love?

Emotional Freedom

One of the most beautiful side effects of investing time and energy in our own emotional wellness is the effect it has on our relationships.

For me, it's important to recognize that the people on the other side of my relationships didn't actually change, I did. And more specifically, the way I THINK did.

I've always felt very close and connected to my children. But after fully stepping into what I refer to as "emotional freedom," I've seen those relationships truly blossom. I'm more present to their interests and needs. We talk about things on a deeper level. We connect in more profound ways.

I no longer blame them for making me feel frustrated or overwhelmed. That's on me. And how I choose to respond to any given situation. When they don't do something I ask them to do, I recognize that the thoughts I'm having about it are what's causing me to feel the way I do.

No one can MAKE YOU feel any emotion. There's real power in accepting that statement as truth. Instead of blaming someone else for how I feel, I've learned to get curious anytime I start to feel an emotion I'd consider negative. I take a close look at what I'm thinking. Crappy thoughts = crappy feeling. Change your thoughts, change your feeling.

So many of us are stuck in emotional childhood. Stuck in a place of reacting to situations from a place of fear, hurt, or anger.

On the other side of emotional childhood is emotional adulthood. Not many people are taught how to feel, so don't beat yourself up if you're someone who feels stuck in emotional childhood.

But please hear me when I say: there is a way out.

Want to explore the world of emotional adulthood? Reach out to me to schedule a free consultation. I'm happy to help guide you on this journey to freedom.

Do Your Chores - #relationshipgoals

About a year or so ago I started a new personal practice when it comes to household tasks. To say it has brought me (and my partner) a significant amount of peace would be a huge understatement.

Basically, it goes something like this:

If I see something that needs to be done around the house, I only complete it from a place of love. Otherwise, I STRAIGHT UP leave it. 

 

Dirty socks on the floor? Made peace with them.

Piles of unfolded laundry on the bed? Made peace with them.

Dirty dishes in the sink? Made peace with them.

 

“Wait,” you may say. “How can I make peace with dirty dishes? Especially since I’ve done them the past 5 nights and *insert partner/roommate’s name here* hasn’t done them since who-the-hell-knows-when?!?” 

Here’s how: learn to either love ‘em or leave ‘em! 

I recommend you leave ‘em until you can do one of two things:

1.    Wash them from a place of peace and love

2.    Work out an agreement with your partner/roommate

“What’s this agreement you speak of?”

So glad you asked!

Instead of setting yourself up for failure by having an (often unspoken) expectation that another human being will do exactly what you want them to do, exactly when you want them to do it, make an agreement.

The conversation may go a little something like this: 

“Hey, partner/roommate. Can we come up with some kind of plan for keeping up on the dishes? Something we can both agree on?” 

Then you hash out a plan. Because that’s what grown-ups do.

Some people find that simply asking another person, in a kind, loving manner, to complete a task works just as well. I’ll leave the experimentation process up to you.

“But what happens when said partner/roommate doesn’t hold up their end of the agreement?” 

Then LEAVE THE DAMN DISHES ALONE. Or wash them from a place of love. A place that believes things like, “they were probably just too busy” or “they probably just forgot.”

However, whatever you do, DO NOT wash those dishes from a place of anger or frustration. You DO NOT need that kind of negativity in your life. 

Things that help me enjoy my household tasks:

·     Listening to music or inspiring podcasts while completing them

·     Focusing on how grateful I am to have those things in my life – my house, my clothes, my dishes, etc.  

·     Doing something that puts me in my happy place before tackling the task

I challenge you to try this! It might just change your life (and your relationship).