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Monika Whitmore - Emotional Wellness Coach

hello@monikawhitmore.com

(816) 392-3034

Embracing Change

I was definitely not planning on using the DSM-5...as a laptop booster.

But sometimes plans change. And I choose to believe our paths are always preparing us for what’s next, even if we’re not aware of it. Even if we don’t really KNOW what’s next.

The reality is I didn’t need a master’s degree in clinical social work in order to do the work I’m now doing. However, I believe a solid understanding of mental illness makes me a better emotional wellness coach. And I LOVE coaching! 

But here’s the thing, friends. I also want to help change how we think about and therefore treat mental health. I am fascinated with learning about the root causes of feeling mentally and emotionally unwell, specifically in regard to depression and anxiety. 

We know there is not a single cause. In fact, the mainstream understanding is that there are biological, psychological, and environmental factors at play. But how much of each? And what can we do about them? Is healing possible? 

As I’ve mentioned before, I DO NOT believe we were designed to suffer. I do believe it’s possible to heal and grow. 

So, what if we started thinking about the signs and symptoms of depression and anxiety as indicators from our body that something is off. That we need to pay attention and make some changes in our lives.

Please hear me when I say: I’m not here to discredit the real-ness of mental illness. NOPE. Not in the least. I’m here to offer a different perspective, and more importantly…hope for healing. 

Do Your Chores - #relationshipgoals

About a year or so ago I started a new personal practice when it comes to household tasks. To say it has brought me (and my partner) a significant amount of peace would be a huge understatement.

Basically, it goes something like this:

If I see something that needs to be done around the house, I only complete it from a place of love. Otherwise, I STRAIGHT UP leave it. 

 

Dirty socks on the floor? Made peace with them.

Piles of unfolded laundry on the bed? Made peace with them.

Dirty dishes in the sink? Made peace with them.

 

“Wait,” you may say. “How can I make peace with dirty dishes? Especially since I’ve done them the past 5 nights and *insert partner/roommate’s name here* hasn’t done them since who-the-hell-knows-when?!?” 

Here’s how: learn to either love ‘em or leave ‘em! 

I recommend you leave ‘em until you can do one of two things:

1.    Wash them from a place of peace and love

2.    Work out an agreement with your partner/roommate

“What’s this agreement you speak of?”

So glad you asked!

Instead of setting yourself up for failure by having an (often unspoken) expectation that another human being will do exactly what you want them to do, exactly when you want them to do it, make an agreement.

The conversation may go a little something like this: 

“Hey, partner/roommate. Can we come up with some kind of plan for keeping up on the dishes? Something we can both agree on?” 

Then you hash out a plan. Because that’s what grown-ups do.

Some people find that simply asking another person, in a kind, loving manner, to complete a task works just as well. I’ll leave the experimentation process up to you.

“But what happens when said partner/roommate doesn’t hold up their end of the agreement?” 

Then LEAVE THE DAMN DISHES ALONE. Or wash them from a place of love. A place that believes things like, “they were probably just too busy” or “they probably just forgot.”

However, whatever you do, DO NOT wash those dishes from a place of anger or frustration. You DO NOT need that kind of negativity in your life. 

Things that help me enjoy my household tasks:

·     Listening to music or inspiring podcasts while completing them

·     Focusing on how grateful I am to have those things in my life – my house, my clothes, my dishes, etc.  

·     Doing something that puts me in my happy place before tackling the task

I challenge you to try this! It might just change your life (and your relationship).